On the one hand, our emotions are important teachers about ourselves and our world. Anger lets us know we are feeling threatened. When we try to avoid our own anger, sometimes it pops out in unexpected and often unhelpful ways. On the other hand, anger has a strong energy to it- like a cup of coffee or those endorphins we feel while exercising. Anger makes us feel powerful, and so it is easy to get stuck in anger. How can we walk that balance between ignoring our emotions and letting them overwhelm us?
The next time you notice anger rising in yourself, here are a couple of practices you can try.
1) Breathe. Take deep, smooth, even breaths. Notice your anger. Breathe into it. Be compassionate with your anger as you breathe. Let your exhale be slightly longer than you inhale. Breathe until you feel your muscles begin to soften and release their grasping. Once your breathing is smooth and steady, discern whether you need to respond to the source of your anger in word or action. We are likely to make a wiser choice by first paying attention to our breath.
2) If you have a prayer practice, I encourage you to take your anger to prayer. Open your anger up to God. Invite God to show you how you can be present to your anger in a compassionate and ethical way.
3) If you are open to an even more challenging practice, pray for the object of your anger. If a person or an organization is causing us anger, we are often tempted to pray either that something bad will happen to them, or that they will change to match our own desires and expectation. Instead, can we offer a prayer without judgement? A prayer that remains open to the mysteries of life and of the Spirit? Consider offering a prayer such as “May this person be open to the wisdom and compassion of the spirit,”
Whenever you experience anger coming from other people in your life, the practices I just listed useful in that situation too. If we can breathe and remain centered despite the anger of people around us, our presence can be like the rudder on a boat, keeping the community upright and sailing in a healthy direction.
I want to offer you a final practice called Tonglen, from the Buddhist tradition, in which we can breathe in the suffering of others and breathe out peace. So if I am overwhelmed at the anger I see on my Facebook Feed, or on the news, I can imagine breathing in that anger, and breathing out peace. This is considered an advanced practice, so be compassion with yourself as you try Tonglen. As you try any of these practices, try to relax your inner judgements – simply notice what happens in yourself. That non-judgemental noticing is important in any practice you explore.
Choosing to pay attention to and work consciously with our anger can be an important spiritual practice. When we open up our anger to our breath and to the Spirit, it can be a powerful part of our own spiritual journeys, and can help us find a balance that will serve the larger community as well.
