I just need a minute

A few months back I went to a big conference--one of those events with meetings and workshops scheduled from morning until well after bedtime. Thousands of attendees were together for almost a week. Some were dear old friends, some were folks I’d seen at conferences before, but with that many people gathered together most were strangers.

I’ve been going to this annual event for many years. The first few years I got swept up in the energy of the gathering, and I really did try to go to every event and see every friend and be part of every conversation. By the end of the week I was not my best self; I was exhausted, overwhelmed and frankly I was a little lonely.

When I began my training to become a spiritual director, one of the requirements of the program was 20 minutes of spiritual practice every day. I couldn’t even imagine how I would fit that into my already too-busy life. When I finally took up the practice, I would sit down after a hectic day, or in the middle of a hectic day, to cram in this 20 minutes of quiet and it seemed like an extravagant use of my scarce time. But after a few moments sitting quietly, allowing the detritus of the day to settle down, allowing my body to settle, allowing the quiet voice of my spirit to be heard, it occurred to me that 20 minutes isn’t nearly enough.

At the next conference I was determined not to forsake my practice during my stay. Fortunately, this conference provided a meditation space, which I found the first day. I marked time in my conference schedule and stuck to the promise I had made to myself to meditate.

What surprised me was that instead of feeling like I had “one more thing to do,” that brief time away from the crowds and activities made me feel less overwhelmed and busy. I noticed the change in myself immediately. I felt more centered and a bit restored after each practice. Even though this was a solitary time, I was surprised to find that I felt less lonely as well.

When I first began a daily practice of prayer and meditation I resented fiercely having one more demand on my already full schedule. Now I find this time restores my soul in a way nothing else can. Even when the drama in my mind swirls on all through my practice, I find that something has shifted when I rise to go back to my day. The practice gives back more than it requires.