Is this what a spiritual person looks like?

What does a spiritual person look like? Somehow I got the idea that spiritual people were always calm, always compassionate, always patient. I assumed that when I was angry I was on the wrong path. I thought emotions like anger and fear and impatience were keeping me from being close to the spirit.

We know that all humans have emotions. We are hard-wired to have emotions; they evolved to help us care for our children and our families, and to protect us in times of danger and threat. But because some emotions are uncomfortable, over the course of my life I have often tried to avoid them. It seemed like if I could just “stay positive” that I could be more productive, and wouldn’t have to worry about being an emotional burden to my friends.

One of the things that happens during our spiritual practices, whether that be prayer, meditation, a quiet walk in the woods, or artistic pursuits, is that emotions will arise. Our natural instinct is to push those feelings away, but people wiser than me suggest that if we can acknowledge the feelings, then feel the feelings, and then let them go whenever they have run their course, this creates an inner freedom.

Recently, as I was on retreat and sitting in prayer, I was struck by some very overwhelming emotions. It occurred to me that the feelings weren’t coming between me and the spirit, instead the spirit was present right there in those feelings. If I shut the door on my feelings, I would be shutting the door on the spirit. If I couldn’t be present with my own feelings, then I couldn’t be fully present to other people, or with the divine.

Our desire to avoid dealing with our feelings can lead us to actions that hurt others. We demand that our partner to make us feel better when we are sad. We are angry so we lash out at the customer service rep at our gate who tells us our flight has been canceled. We are impatient so we rush a toddler who wants to put on her own shoes. When we give ourselves the time to honor and take responsibility for our own emotions, it may prevent us from accidentally unloading them on someone else.

Being present to our emotions is an important spiritual practice that helps us be truer to ourselves, and more self-aware in our relationships with others, including our relationship with the divine. So the next time you feel a strong emotion I encourage you to stop what you are doing and just breathe- slowly inhale, slowly exhale. Acknowledge the feeling, feel the feeling, and then let it go.