I'm Tired

We were trying to resuscitate an organization that existed in name only. I knew there was a need in my community, and I knew the mission of this organization filled the need, so I was hoping others would join me in bringing it back to life. My colleague Anne and I arranged a day-long retreat, and carefully planned a program that we hoped would support and inspire participants and begin to build the web of community we would need for the organization to continue.

The day was going pretty well- folks seemed to catch our vision, and we were enjoying being together. As we moved into the sleepy after-lunch time we were planning to talk about our vision for the future. We spread out a big sheet of empty paper for us to fill in our ideas. My esteemed colleague who was to lead that section gave a big sigh and said “I’m tired, I just don’t have the energy for this.” I was alarmed! We had worked so hard to fill this event with life and enthusiasm, to give folks a positive, rewarding experience so they would want to stay engaged with the organization. I was tired too, we were all tired, and clearly the only thing to do was power through the end of the program. What was she doing?

After a silence she said “Does anyone else have some energy for this?” Another colleague, Cari, said, “Actually, I have some thoughts about this.” She picked up the markers, and began filling in ideas on the big empty page as she talked. Other colleagues chimed in and soon the paper was full of colorful ideas. My co-facilitator just observed as the conversation unfolded. The day ended with energy and enthusiasm for the future, and a commitment to meet again.

Here’s what I learned that day; so often I assume that I am indispensable. I assume that if something needs to be done, I am the only one who can do it. Even if my body and spirit are asking for a break, I expect myself to power through. But if I power through, I am not leaving room for guidance of the spirit. Why wouldn’t guidance come through our bodies? What if a felt sense of “not this, not now” was an important truth? Anne spoke her truth that day, the truth of what she was feeling in the moment: her tiredness, of her lack of energy. This made space for my colleague Cari to speak her truth- that she was excited and ready to step in.

If you are a fixer, a problem solver, if you are always the first to say “I can help with that,” it’s a leap of faith not to rush in and do the thing that cries out to be done. It’s a leap of faith to be authentic and honest, rather than ignoring the messages of body and spirit saying “I’m tired” or “this doesn’t feel right” and powering through. It requires faith that we are not alone- faith that we are part of a web of community larger than ourselves. Can we have faith that if the spirit is truly calling us to do something, spirit will help make it happen like a stream helps the paper boats that children set on the water and release?

To admit that we are tired, that we are overwhelmed, that we are not quite sure what to do requires the humility to admit that not only do I have limits, but I am not the only one capable of contributing to the solution. If we have the faith and humility to admit our limits we make space for help to come from unexpected places, as Anne made space for our young colleague Cari to emerge with fresh energy and new ideas.