Help for the Tulips

Around my neighborhood tulips are poking up through the layer of leaves that accumulate over the fall and winter. Many spring plants are designed to do this, and start their journey with a pointy bit that breaks through whatever obstacles it finds on its way to the sunshine. Sometimes, however, you see tulip greens that have pushed up through a dry brown leaf, but can’t seem to break free. I often see tulips with a kind of leaf collar that grows higher and higher into the air as the tulip greens grow. 

As I walk around the neighborhood and I see tulips trapped in their collars, It gives me great satisfaction to pull off the constricting leaf and watch the young tulip growth pop out into their full and proper form. I felt like a great tulip helper until one day I tugged the leaf too quickly or with too much force and the tip of the young tulip plant came right off! I felt terrible. Much better to be constricted by a leaf than to be ripped asunder! Some kinds of help are worse than no help at all. After that day I became more careful in my approach, gentle with the young green tulips, but persisted in my mission to liberate tulips everywhere. I began to notice that if you liberate the tulips when they are still young, they spring into a normal shape and almost immediately one can’t tell the difference. Other tulips, who have been constricted for a while may have tell tale shapes in their leaves, like the band around my finger where my wedding ring has been these many years, but go on to have beautiful flowers. Unfortunately, some tulips who have grown for too long under too many leaves seem to do worse for my help. The part of the tulip growth that has been under a leaf burden and has never seen sunlight will be pale and weak. Sometimes when I remove the leaves the tulip flops over and never comes right. It seems as if the plant had wisely formed itself using the obstacle as a support, growing itself to match its unique situation.

This reminds me of the well-meaning help I offer my human friends. When a simple thing we do is helpful it is a delight for both the one helping and the one being helped. Sometimes the help we offer can make life a bit easier but can’t address the deeper scars incurred early in life, or from trauma. But sometimes our well-meaning help doesn’t take into account the unique realities our struggling friends are facing. It may seem to us that they are one quick tug away from being relived of their obstacles, but we forget that living beings have their own inner wisdom that helps them grow creatively around obstacles, unique supports that help them survive what they have met on their unique journey.

All around us are people who could use our help, and our compassionate actions are a beautiful spiritual practice. I encourage you, as you reach out to those your heart is moved to help, to remember the inner wisdom and resilience of the ones you are trying to support. “I could come by for a visit- would that be helpful or are you needing rest and quiet? “What has helped in the past when you have faced something like this? What have you learned comforting or helpful to you? What have you tried already?” Be sure to notice, alongside your empathy for their struggles, how they are showing resilience and wisdom, and the resources they have available.

I encourage you to give that same respect and compassion to yourself. What a miracle any of us have made it this far, I offer gratitude for whoever you have become in order to survive, whatever life-giving forms you have grown into that show your resilience. This season as you see the tulips and other spring flowers in your neighborhood, let them fill your heart with compassion for all who struggle, and gratitude for the always creative spirit of life that helps us grow through obstacles and bloom in the way only we can bloom.