One Thing at a Time

My mentor, Rev. Til Evans, once told me this story. When she first came to a new congregation folks had many suggestions about what needed to be done. One mom approached her after church on Sunday with a whole list of things that were wrong with the children’s program and needed to be fixed right away. These were real concerns from a committed member delivered with passion and urgency. Til said “I can only handle one thing at a time. Let’s pick one to work on and I’ll get back to you next Sunday.” And so it went, week by week until all the concerns had been addressed. The mom felt heard, and continued to be an active volunteer and member of the congregation even years later when I served the same congregation, trying to fill Til’s shoes.

I’m guessing Til told me that story as we sat drinking tea because I had likely recited my own list of the many problems that urgently needed to be solved. Til said “I had to humbly admit my limits.” I was struck by her courage to speak her truth. As a young minister I regularly tied myself in knots trying to accomplish all those things people told me needed to be done. What courage and clarity to say “here’s what I can do, the rest will have to wait.”

Now, some 20 years later I still remember this story – it sings in my ears whenever I find myself in a swirling cyclone of things needing my attention. Today I have a much better sense of what I’m capable of, which is rooted in being honest with myself and noticing my capacities. Over these 20 years I’ve learned by experience that it is just not humanly possible to do all the things I think would be good, nor all the things other folks in my communities hope to do. Perhaps it does require humility and courage to acknowledge my limits, especially when I’m disappointing someone’s expectations. But I think of that mom who, years later, told me how she felt a closeness with Til that was rare and precious. Perhaps, along with Til’s generosity of spirit and warm heart, that trust was rooted in knowing Til could admit her limitations and be counted on to come back with what she had learned.

Whenever the cyclone of activity and expectations becomes too much for you, I invite you to think of Til’s wisdom and strength to say “I can only do one thing at a time, where shall we start?”