Who, me?

Consider the story of Moses- God gets Moses’s attention with a bush that burns “but was not consumed” and then tells Moses what God wants him to do, giving him some pretty straightforward instructions. At first Moses says, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” And God explains that God will be with him, but Moses is still not convinced replying, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” God replies “go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” But again Moses protests, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.” Three times the great prophet Moses argues with God when he is called to lead his people out of slavery.

I believe that each and every one of us is called. We are not usually called to do something quite as dramatic as Moses, and few of us get a sign as clear as a burning bush, but if we listen carefully to the spirit we start to notice that some choices feel different, feel right, even if they are challenging. This story tells us some very important things about the experience of being called. First, Moses (like so many other prophets in the scriptures) is reluctant to accept his call. “Who am I?” we think- surely there is someone else who could do a better job than us. Surely we’ve misunderstood – the inertial pull of our daily lives is a powerful force, who are we to resist, to change?

We also notice in this story that there is not a single call, “I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” Instead there is an ongoing dialogue; at each turning point in the journey God gives Moses advice about the next steps. And thank goodness- can you imagine having to figure out how to “bring the Israelites out of Egypt” without some coaching and guidance?

Each time Moses questions God’s calling, God is very clear that God is not asking Moses to do this alone. “Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

I believe that if God gives us a job, God will give us the tools to do the job. For example, at one time or another all of us will have a friend, neighbor or loved one in the hospital. Even though I’ve been a minister for almost 20 years, I still get nervous when I make a hospital visit- what if I say the wrong thing? What if they would rather be alone? Even after all those years I know I could still bungle things, but I’ve learned to trust that I won’t be alone. I just have to listen- to the person lying in the hospital bed, and to the quiet movement of the spirit. Not that I’ll do everything right, not that I’ll always understand perfectly - God knows we are not perfect and sends us anyway. The spirit calls us just as we are and our job is simply to show up, and to listen. There is much that is broken in the world -- so many people who are hurting and need our help. We don’t have to be Moses, only to listen for our own unique call, then to trust the spirit will be with us, to help us and to teach us how to follow that call.

Answering "the Call"

When you hear stories about people receiving a call, it seems like this is would be - easy to hear, simple to answer, simple to follow- like getting on an interstate highway to your destination. When I was a teenager, all I wanted in the world was to be an Opera Singer. I got lots of support of encouragement for this path, and it fed my heart and spirit. Then after a few years studying to be a professional singer, the interstate turned into a local road, and then a dirt road, and finally a dead end. It was really hard to turn around and abandon that road on which I had spent so much of my life.

Sometimes following the spirit is not like getting on the expressway, sometimes it is like a wandering country road, or like a creek that meanders around rocks and trees. I wandered around for a while, trying to find a new path, and when I began to consider becoming a minister, it felt the same way you feel when you step into a creek and walk in the direction of the flow; a way had opened for me, and it just felt right. I have now been a minister for 20 years, and know it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

When our path meanders and turns, it can be disorienting and disconcerting. But there are a number of reasons why the spirit might lead us on a curving path. I’m glad I got a chance to sing for so many years, and there are definitely lessons I learned in my musical training that serve me well in ministry. But my path didn’t straighten out once I made the choice to enter the ministry. When I was in my twenties I felt called to youth ministry. Then family life brought us to this area a decade ago. I had no idea I was being lead to small-church ministry, but now I find I love the intimacy and creativity of a family-sized community. A few years ago on my sabbatical I felt a strong pull to be trained in Spiritual Direction, and what I learned on that turn in the creek has changed both my own personal spiritual life and my ministry profoundly. I like to imagine that from here on out it will be a straight shot- that things will continue like this until I retire, but no creek runs in a straight line for long. I know there will be more unexpected twists and turns ahead.

Sometimes the tug we feel to take a turn on our path is not a change in the direction of our whole journey, but just for this next step. Maybe the spirit is just trying to lead us around a tree and we’ll be heading back north in no time. Sometimes we are lead on a detour that has nothing to do with our larger long-term purpose, but leads us in a way we can serve the spirit in this very moment. For example, I felt a very clear sense of call to attend seminary, and thought of “calling” in terms of something big I would do with the rest of my life. But one Friday afternoon, I didn’t have any classes and headed down to the city park with the intention just to let the spirit lead me. I heard the screeching of cars in front of me. The driver jumped out of his car and picked up an elderly dog who had wandered out into the road. I pulled over and asked if I could help. He looked relieved, and said that would be great- he had to get back to work. I spent the rest of the afternoon helping that dog find her way home. If we are too focused on our larger purpose, we may miss the smaller places where we might be led to help out in the world.

If you look at the rivers and creeks in our area, you notice that sometimes the is more than one path the water takes around an island or through a field, only to converge into one strong channel downstream. Sometimes in our lives there really are multiple paths that will serve us well and get us to the same place. I agonize and agonize about which to choose, until finally I realize that I can serve the spirit either way I go.

I believe that all of us have opportunities to listen to the spirit, and to serve the spirit, whether we are clergy or parents, office managers or construction workers, farmers or retail clerks. Each of us can feel the pull of the spirit, sometimes like a rushing river, and sometimes like a wandering creek. Let us listen for that pull not just at the large turning points, but each day let us be sensitive to that current and the surprising places it may lead.

Which Holidays?

I grew up in a family that celebrated Christmas, and I was under the mistaken impression that Hanukah was pretty much just like Christmas, except that kids in Jewish families got presents for 8 days instead of 1. In fact, while the Christian celebration of the birth of Jesus is a major holiday for most Christians, Hanukah is a relatively minor holiday in the Jewish calendar. It celebrates the re-dedication (hence the name from the root meaning “to dedicate”) of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem which had been seized by the Syrian-Greek military and used to worship Zeus. At that time practicing Judaism was punishable by death – so in one sense this holiday is about religious freedom.

Along with our traditional holiday customs, I'd like to suggest that this year we add a spiritual practice of openness. What would it be like to make space in our hearts and minds for family and neighbors who are celebrating a different holiday, or who celebrate a familiar holiday in a different way? According to a NY Times article by Naomi Schaefer Riley, about 45 percent of American couples married since the year 2000 are interfaith. Even among the Christian faiths there is variety of traditions; Jehovah’s Witnesses, for example, do not celebrate Christmas at all. Chances are, someone you know has a way of celebrating the winter holidays that is new to you. And while this interplay of faith traditions can be challenging, it can also be a great opportunity to learn more about the people we care about and their beliefs and traditions.

As part of your practice this Holiday season, I invite you to open your minds and get curious about the great diversity of religious practice. Here are some starter questions to ask this Holiday Season:

• What holidays do you celebrate?
• What are your favorite holiday traditions?
• What do those traditions mean to you?

Maybe you will even have the opportunity to participate in a different tradition. I often light a menorah with Jewish family or friends, or go to Christmas Mass with my Husband’s family, though neither of those are part of my own tradition. If you are invited to be part of a celebration from your friend or neighbor’s tradition, feel free to ask questions like:

•  Is there anything I need to know to participate in this tradition?

Ask yourself:

• How does it feel to experience my friend’s tradition?
• How is this different from my own traditions and how is it similar?

Sharing religious traditions with family and friends is a privilege -- to witness someone reaching out to the divine is an intimate and sacred thing. That reaching out we share is a common ground we can cultivate. By opening myself to new experiences, I may come to understand something about the world, about my own faith and about the Spirit of Life which is always as close as our own breath.

Oooo that makes me so mad!

What can we do with our anger?  If we are consciously trying to live in the spirit, how can we handle this anger in ourselves and in the world? This is one of the great challenges of being human.

On the one hand, our emotions are important teachers about ourselves and our world. Anger lets us know we are feeling threatened. When we try to avoid our own anger, sometimes it pops out in unexpected and often unhelpful ways. On the other hand, anger has a strong energy to it- like a cup of coffee or those endorphins we feel while exercising. Anger makes us feel powerful, and so it is easy to get stuck in anger. How can we walk that balance between ignoring our emotions and letting them overwhelm us?

The next time you notice anger rising in yourself, here are a couple of practices you can try.

1) Breathe. Take deep, smooth, even breaths. Notice your anger. Breathe into it. Be compassionate with your anger as you breathe. Let your exhale be slightly longer than you inhale. Breathe until you feel your muscles begin to soften and release their grasping. Once your breathing is smooth and steady, discern whether you need to respond to the source of your anger in word or action. We are likely to make a wiser choice by first paying attention to our breath.

2) If you have a prayer practice, I encourage you to take your anger to prayer. Open your anger up to God. Invite God to show you how you can be present to your anger in a compassionate and ethical way.

3) If you are open to an even more challenging practice, pray for the object of your anger. If a person or an organization is causing us anger, we are often tempted to pray either that something bad will happen to them, or that they will change to match our own desires and expectation. Instead, can we offer a prayer without judgement? A prayer that remains open to the mysteries of life and of the Spirit? Consider offering a prayer such as “May this person be open to the wisdom and compassion of the spirit,”

Whenever you experience anger coming from other people in your life, the practices I just listed useful in that situation too. If we can breathe and remain centered despite the anger of people around us, our presence can be like the rudder on a boat, keeping the community upright and sailing in a healthy direction.

I want to offer you a final practice called Tonglen, from the Buddhist tradition, in which we can breathe in the suffering of others and breathe out peace. So if I am overwhelmed at the anger I see on my Facebook Feed, or on the news, I can imagine breathing in that anger, and breathing out peace. This is considered an advanced practice, so be compassion with yourself as you try Tonglen. As you try any of these practices, try to relax your inner judgements – simply notice what happens in yourself. That non-judgemental noticing is important in any practice you explore.

Choosing to pay attention to and work consciously with our anger can be an important spiritual practice. When we open up our anger to our breath and to the Spirit, it can be a powerful part of our own spiritual journeys, and can help us find a balance that will serve the larger community as well.

Is this what a spiritual person looks like?

What does a spiritual person look like? Somehow I got the idea that spiritual people were always calm, always compassionate, always patient. I assumed that when I was angry I was on the wrong path. I thought emotions like anger and fear and impatience were keeping me from being close to the spirit.

We know that all humans have emotions. We are hard-wired to have emotions; they evolved to help us care for our children and our families, and to protect us in times of danger and threat. But because some emotions are uncomfortable, over the course of my life I have often tried to avoid them. It seemed like if I could just “stay positive” that I could be more productive, and wouldn’t have to worry about being an emotional burden to my friends.

One of the things that happens during our spiritual practices, whether that be prayer, meditation, a quiet walk in the woods, or artistic pursuits, is that emotions will arise. Our natural instinct is to push those feelings away, but people wiser than me suggest that if we can acknowledge the feelings, then feel the feelings, and then let them go whenever they have run their course, this creates an inner freedom.

Recently, as I was on retreat and sitting in prayer, I was struck by some very overwhelming emotions. It occurred to me that the feelings weren’t coming between me and the spirit, instead the spirit was present right there in those feelings. If I shut the door on my feelings, I would be shutting the door on the spirit. If I couldn’t be present with my own feelings, then I couldn’t be fully present to other people, or with the divine.

Our desire to avoid dealing with our feelings can lead us to actions that hurt others. We demand that our partner to make us feel better when we are sad. We are angry so we lash out at the customer service rep at our gate who tells us our flight has been canceled. We are impatient so we rush a toddler who wants to put on her own shoes. When we give ourselves the time to honor and take responsibility for our own emotions, it may prevent us from accidentally unloading them on someone else.

Being present to our emotions is an important spiritual practice that helps us be truer to ourselves, and more self-aware in our relationships with others, including our relationship with the divine. So the next time you feel a strong emotion I encourage you to stop what you are doing and just breathe- slowly inhale, slowly exhale. Acknowledge the feeling, feel the feeling, and then let it go.

Can you hear me now?

Have you ever realized the person you are talking to is not really listening? A friend stares down at her phone while we talk “really, I’m listening” she says. You can tell your uncle is composing his own thoughts and can’t wait until you get done talking so he can start. Or worse- he just starts talking right over what you are saying.

Maybe you don’t mind, because that’s the way of the world. Or maybe what you are trying to communicate is really important to you, and you wish your friend would just put down her phone for a moment, that your uncle would just let go of his clever idea, and they would really listen.

What does it mean to really listen? It means to give your full attention to the person who is speaking, even if she pauses for a moment to collect her thoughts. It means letting go of your own agenda and your own story to listen to the story of another. It even means setting aside what his/her story means to us, and asking “what does his story mean to him?”

When I was being trained as a spiritual director we practiced listening. The more we listened deeply to one another and experienced others listening deeply to us, I realized how rare and precious a gift this is. It seems like a small thing, but giving the gift of deep listening has a surprising power, a healing power.

Listening is a form of kindness, a form of generosity, but it is also an important spiritual practice. As the Christian Scriptures say “where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” I have noticed that when I am listening deeply, it does feel like a spiritual experience, it does feel like the spirit is present in that conversation with us. Have you ever experienced something like that?

I encourage you to try deep listening as a spiritual practice. You may find that when you do listen, you wonder if you should do more than just quietly nod and take in their story. We want to give advice. We want to tell them we understand by offering a similar story from our own lives. We want to ask questions about things we are curious about. All those things are part of normal conversation in our culture. But they many not help the person who is sharing his or her story feel heard.

For example: a friend tells you she had a rough day at work. You sense she is upset about this. So you put down what you are doing, and let her know you want to hear more, with your presence and your words -- “Wow, that sounds like a rough day. What happened?” When she gets done telling you about the mean thing her boss said, you might be tempted to give advice --“You need to get a new job” or “have you talked to HR about that?” You might be tempted to begin your own story -- “that’s just like this one place I worked years ago” or to ask questions that lead her away from her story “Do they still make widgets? I always wondered what you do with a widget.” Instead try saying something that shows you really heard her such as “it sounds like your boss really hurt your feelings when she said that” or even just “I’m sorry that happened to you.” And here’s an advance technique- allow a moment or two of silence before you say anything at all. You can listen just as deeply to a silence as you can to words.

It’s as simple as that. Just listening, and letting the other person know you heard them. And yet it is a rare thing to experience in our culture. I often forget to do it- so caught up am I in all the related stories from my own life that I want to tell. But when I remember I have found deep listening it to be one of the most profound spiritual practices I know.