What is Available?

 

Years ago I was visiting a yoga retreat center with a beautiful common room, and a large fireplace with a small card placed on top of the andirons which said “The Fireplace is not Available for Use.” I chuckled to myself about the clever use of that word “available”- It could have said “fireplace is out of order” or “fireplace is closed.” There could have been some extensive explanation about why the fireplace was forbidden, instead they simply, politely and elegantly let us know the limits of our use of the common room.

Lately, when I am thinking back on some moment in my life, and wondering why I made the choices I did, suspecting that now I would make a different choice, I find myself musing “that choice was not available to me at that time” I don’t need to tumble down a rabbit hole of why it happened, or what I “should have done.” I believe we are, for the most part, doing the best we can, making the best choices we can make in the moment.

Since the start of the pandemic, I have heard many people worrying that they are not as productive as they were this time last year. They see other folks posting on social media who are learning a new language, touring international museums online, hiking the state parks, and wonder “what’s wrong with me, that this is all I can accomplish? Like the fireplace in the common room, there are many things right now that are not available to us. Instead of looking at the fireplace and asking, “why can’t I use it?” or determining “I should be able to use it” it can be liberating to simply observe that “it is not available for use” and respond accordingly. Let’s even imagine that you were really excited about using that beautiful fireplace, and acknowledging the reality that it is not available for use might be sad. It might be disappointing. It’s okay to grieve all those small and large losses, that is how body, heart and spirit let go of those things that cannot be.

I am a list maker, and most days I have a list of what I would like to accomplish, but these days I look at my list and ask myself “what is available?” If I feel too tired for a hike, too introverted to call a friend, too discouraged to start a big project, it won’t help a bit to beat myself up. Our hearts are already bruised and tender these days. I simply ask “what is available for me to do today?” It not only helps me let go of all those things that just don’t seem possible right now, and helps me forgive myself for paths not taken, but it also encourages me to listen to the spirit. What is available? Something always is- even if that’s a nap.

In this time many things are not available for us to do, for reasons outside our control, or within our body, mind or spirit. By asking “what is available” we find a path forward that is aligned with our own capacities, or own soul. We honor the reality of who and where we are right now, and where spirit may be leading us. And so, I invite you to ask, whenever the world is too much, or the losses too great, “what is available to me right now, in this moment?”